Spiritual Portal

today during meditation i was able to go a little deeper. i don't think i went inward enough but i noticed a transition. like going to sleep, in the beginning we direct the chatter in our mind but as the body begins to shut down those thoughts begin to take a life of their own, where we become more observant and imagery becomes more vivid. somewhere here the body slips into rest and we often forget what we were thinking about as we enter sleep.
i believe today i entered that in between just before forgetting what happens when we enter sleep. with today's attempts to meditate there was indeed a chattering mind but about 30-40minutes in i noticed the thoughts began to take a life of their own. i started realizing the colors behind my eyelids and it was like going down a dark tunnel passing through the occasional green ring. this hue was very much alive and i think it was simply an observation of bodily behavior. but in this tunnel-type journey i saw a silhouette of hands reach into my mind and cusp a black orb. moments later i saw form near profile view a flash of light as a skull began to emerge out of it. after this i came back, my mind was becoming active out of interest in the seemingly random images. i don't have an answer, i don't think i went deep enough.

I think I had entered a dream state and the imagery only makes sense now for having gone through an experience that links it all together perfectly. I have Faith this is correct.
Perhaps parts divine intervention and past experience, I see now the hands reaching in my mind were pulling out a darkness that was beginning to consume me. The skull being birthed from the light- the dying of the ego and the birthing of insight. I had recently developed a romantic interest. My heart had been closed off for so long that I let my excitement sweep me away and I was becoming selfishly invested by trying to make something out of this new friendship. Emotions were so intense I was blind to the reality of the situation. I felt such crazy stirrings in my chest, I was becoming a bit hysterical even fluctuating between obsessive highs and egocentric lows- the last few days were becoming unbearable. I had even set up a game plan to lay it all on her by our 3rd date and the whole time Universe... God, was speaking to me through various peoples on how to best handle the situation. Only today, did everything make sense. Of course the numbers 777(a way for this sentient universe to communicate) forced its pattern-recognition into my view and instantly I saw the vision I had in meditation. Then the pieces of the puzzle began to fit. Like hands taking away this mania out of my head, I was beginning to feel relieved. Now my plans are changed... Now I remember I simply wish to Love and find peace in God. Yes, I've always wanted this but even so, the workings of desire can really obstruct reality. I don't think this is bad but I think it's important to catch on as soon as able and take the advice from Universe. Suffering may be inescapable but for how far and how long may be up to us.
Namaste...