Dear Steve,
Thank you for your interest. Inayat Khan mentions gossip in the writing the art of personality and on character building, I encourage you to read the entire transcript linked below. Of course, when we are involved with our friends it’s easy to take things personally... it is amusing to say the least that a Sufi seeks god in the heart of man yet must learn indifference along the path... once you see god working through even those you call an enemy, I can only imagine that love transcends all pains.
despite having this wisdom to fall back on I too find my very nature looking to others for validation and understanding. I think what you’re describing is different from the toxicity and entanglement of gossip. However- gossip, judgements and other transgressions are natural. This article is about mastery over self and will power. despite my shortcomings I continue on That sufism may help me live a life of peace, love and help me find a way to rise above duality.
From studying these works, meditating and finding time to detach from those intimate relationships I am able to gain clarity- sometimes I can understand actions of others even so I think it best to reserve judgement and turn that inwards. Always going back to God in Love.
I’ve taken snippets from the reading and pasted below. Again this is on how to improve yourself and do not expect you to agree with everything or conform to anything- I share with hopes that it too provides clarity as it does for me...
https://wahiduddin.net/mv2/III/III_III_1.htmIt must be remembered that one shows lack of nobleness of character by love of gossiping. It is so natural, and yet it is a great fault in the character to cherish the tendency to talk about others. One shows a great weakness when one makes remarks about someone behind his back. In the first place it is against what may be called frankness, and also it is judging another, which is wrong according to the teaching of Christ, who says, 'Judge not, that ye be not judged'. When one allows this tendency to remain in one, one develops love of talking about others. It is a defect which commonly exists, and when two people meet who have the same tendency, they gossip together. One helps the other, one encourages the other. And when something is supported by two people of necessity it becomes a virtue, if only for the time being.
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How few in this world know what an effect it makes on one's personality, talking ill of another; what influence it has on one's soul! Man's self within is not only like a dome where everything he says has an echo, but that echo is creative and productive of what has been said. Every good and bad thing in one's life one develops by taking interest in it. Every fault one has, as long as it is small, one does not notice it; and so one develops the fault till it results in a disappointment
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every outward manifestation is nothing but a reaction of the inner condition. Therefore the first control that one has to gain is over one's own self, one's inner self, which is done by strengthening the will, and also by understanding life better.
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In order to practice self-control in all one does in everyday life, the best thing is to develop in one's nature a certain amount of indifference. Every word that is said to one need not be taken to be so important that it upsets one's whole being, disturbs one's balance, and robs one of one's will power. There are things that matter; but there are many things in one's everyday life which do not matter much, and one is often apt to put undue stress upon them.
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Faults? Everyone has faults. Oneself, one's friend, and one's enemy are all subject to faults. The one who wishes that his own faults should not be disclosed must necessarily consider the same for the others he meets. The one who knows what the relation of friendship is between one soul and another, the tenderness of that connection, its delicacy, its beauty, and its sacredness, that one can enjoy life in its fullness, for he is living; and in this manner he must some day communicate with God. For it is the same bridge that connects two souls in the world, which, once built, becomes the path to God. There is no greater virtue in this world than proving kind and trustworthy to one's friend, worthy of his confidence.
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Depression, despair, and all manner of sorrow and sadness come from lack of generosity. Where does jealousy come from? Where does envy, aching of the heart come from? It all comes from lack of generosity. A man may not have one single coin to his name, and yet he can be generous, he can be noble, if only he has a large heart of friendly feeling. Life in the world offers every opportunity to a man, whatever be his position in life, to show if he has any spirit of generosity.
Namaste Brother
