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Self Intoxication

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« on: Jul 13, 2018 06:45 pm »

I asked myself yesterday why have I ever allowed myself to get drunk or stoned and have come to understand it is because through an altered state I desired to connect with. I went on for years under the presumption that I was, 'disconnecting' with some silly idea of an 'every day self' really seeking to tap into an altered state and feel less restricted. There are countless reasons why in addition but this I felt was the root of it. I think other people relate even unknowingly to this desire in their self-intoxicating pursuits. I have seen the many flaws and undesirable psychological aspects developed from this path and my truth is there is no stronger connecting/disconnecting force than what I have experienced in meditation. This is not meant to sound like some stupefying grandeur, my meditations are with flaw, but in the sincere efforts there is a subtle increasing effect not yet fully recognized strengthening Love for God. There is increasing desire for pursuit and recognition of God with a healthier outcome than what I have ever received from drinking, smoking or even opening up sexual relations with others.

I read this from Sri Yuketswar today and find it aligning with thoughts to break free from delusion of duality, self intoxication and pursue Liberty- God Realization:
"Conserve your powers. Be like the capacious ocean, absorbing quietly all the tributary rivers of the senses. Daily renewed sense yearnings sap your inner peace; they are like openings in a reservoir that permit vital waters to be wasted in the desert soil of materialism. The forceful, activating impulse of wrong desire is the greatest enemy to the happiness of man. Roam in the world as a lion of self-control; don't let the frogs of sense weakness kick you around!"
A true devotee is finally freed from all instinctive compulsions. He transforms his need for human affection into aspiration for God alone- a love solitary because omnipresent.
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