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Author Topic: Love  (Read 515 times)
Steve Hydonus
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« Reply #15 on: Apr 07, 2014 09:47 am »

Yes... even when love is not returned - if you keep on loving you often find that what is returned is much different than you had expected. But I guess it goes without saying; Love is not something you can expect to know it's outcome because it directs your course and not the reverse.

A few years ago, someone very close to me was hurt by two people I knew and loved.  It was a very difficult time, to experience such betrayal of friendship, to be there to help the one I was still close to.

It was a turning point for me, because I was flooded with every such strong emotions for a month.  Anger, sadness, betrayal mostly.  I had made a decision prior to this painful event to make it a life goal to "be able to love everyone".  I knew the hardest ones to love would for me would be people who were violent towards others and people who abuse positions of power and commit different types of abuse to people on a mass scale. 

This time tested my ability to still love those who hurt someone close to me, who once called me their "best friend".

I think I have been slowly learning in this life where it is healthy to put my earthly love and where it is best to "love from afar", afterall, Love knows no bounds of Time or Space.  It is the essence of who and what we all are, the highest point of Spiritual beginnings and where we are all gradually awakening as individuals and as a species to be again.

Loss of love from another I was very close to and shared much of life with has always been hard for me.  I try achieve the same sense of Deep Love from afar, from gratitude, from remembering all of the good energy and lessons I learned. 

The loss of love from one who was like an antennae to God, to Divine Love, when we said "I love you" to each other and discussed deeper love of all, the loss of that person, that antennae or "frequency" to enter the Divine Love creates a strange illusion, that my own ability to connect to the Greater Love has become blocked.  I have also experienced this from a loss of a Guru (who was put in my life to help me by higher forces then he fully was, I would not call him a "true guru" but he helped me open doors), the loss of a religion which I worked for for 100 hours a week and was my full life, the loss of connection to a girl in high school who I connected with like no one else I had ever met due to tragic events.

I know Love is greater than all of these Human experiences of the loss of some "form" of love, even the ones which were focused on helping me to reach for the highest form of Love.

This is only my 2nd post.  I apologize for it being a bit unfocused.  I am exploring my own thoughts on Love as I write this.  Love has always been one of my favorite words and things to think about or meditate on or especially to express to others.  I've gone through periods of my life where I was so surrounded by love from so many sources everyday, it is overwhelmingly beautiful.  Perhaps, due to a lack of love from my father (who is now passed away), it's always been difficult for me to hold onto material forms of love, or I've always desired more love from people I'm close to than they are willing, or presently capable of giving.  I always open my heart fully to those I am close to.  I don't feel I have any reason to hold back from giving another I love all I have to give.  Overtime, I think I have been learning to only give as much as others receive, or perhaps just a bit more than they give me to see.

These great Gurus, like Neem Karoli Baba (who I love!) never seemed to need many or in many cases any words to express such powerful Love to their devotees and visitors. 

To me, right now, Love feels like an acceptance of who a soul is in this incarnation, right now.  Love feels like acceptance of everything as it is, as Life that we are all a part of, connected to.

I know I will continue to struggle with my ego's concept of what "right and wrong" love is.  What kind of love "I need", etc.  It makes me want to cry, because when I have others in my life who love me mutually I am so happy, though I have hardly ever known this state really.  I've only "been in love" with people who hurt me, said or did abusive things to me in the relationship.  This is something I want to change.  To seek others who would love me the way I love them.

Most of all, I want to feel free to focus on Divine Love of ALL.  I don't want these silly ego based concept to block my connection to that, and to ALL through that.

Neem Karoli Baba said that we must feed people, we must serve people to be closer to the Divine, which makes sense to me because I think we are All One truly, living in a beautiful state of individual expression on journey to remember this as we share our unique gifts with each other in this World, in this incarnation as all separate, infinite expressions of All.  This is how I intuitively see/feel Love when I let go, which the sacred space of this forum seems to have inspired me to do.

I want to focus on creating good things for this world and Loving/Giving to others, not on who or what part of this world is not being "fair" with me.  I know all things happen under a Divine Law we are all a part of, and everything happens for a reason.

Thank you for creating this sacred space on this website where I can write my thoughts.  Thank you for reading.



Miracle of Love is a book which includes many stories from different people collected by Ram Dass about his guru Neem Karoli Baba.  It's a very special book to me and has been very helpful the past year during hard times.  I recommend it to anyone.
« Last Edit: Apr 07, 2014 09:49 am by Steve Hydonus » Report Spam   Logged

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