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Love


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kingfisher111
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« Reply #15 on: Apr 17, 2014 12:44 am »

Thank you Jitendra and SpiritImage for your replies.

The loss of love has been something which has challenged and guided me my whole life.  Every person I've ever been close to, other than family, has stayed a time, exchanged beautiful, deep energies and ideas with me, and then left (usually the deeper and stronger the exchange the shorter the visit...


Perhaps it is because some of them, you sent away or ignored them, the people that loved you the most.

Jitendra

I don't think so.  I don't think I have a habit or compulsion to sabotage relationships, but I think I have drawn many people close to me over the years who do.  I grew up with a father who was very emotionally cold, distant and left his body at an early age due to all of the mental and emotional distress he lived with, I think, which culminated in heart failure.

I have for years attracted and been attracted to people since who could be described as "damaged", and over the years, I've come to the conclusion that this is a continued desire from my childhood to "help my father" through a girl or guy, lover or friend or very close friend who shares similar negative and neurotic qualities with my Dad.  I seem to have attracted these people, some more damaged than others.  Girlfriend who cheats on me a month into the relationship, or another who relapses on drugs a month in or friend who says she's too ashamed of not being more centered to talk to me and would ignore me for months and then apologize and sound embarrassed.  Paradoxically, I also think the introduction of "damage" for many people I've been close to, gives them a special desire to awaken more than most.  This has certainly been true, and continues to be true for me.

I think this is a wavelength (needing to fix/help someone) I am growing out of.  I still love everyone I've loved with all my heart and want to remain open to their spiritual unfoldment, awakening, but to remain heartbroken by betrayal of friendship or hurt by any other mean action by another is not a very useful emotion to remain focused on.  I'm focusing on my own future, my own endeavors, my own spiritual unfoldment.  I know, the best way to truly help others is to just be oneself.  And, I know the "brief" intersection between myself and anyone else, where a deep friendship was formed and great heights were experienced together has a value which must continue to ripple, regardless of what comes after.

I've heard and/or seen from many of those I've been closest to that they "hurt those closest to them."  Whenever I feel I may have hurt or ignored someone close to me, I seek resolution and healing very quickly and have found great frustration and suffering when the other party does not want to speak or resolve a problem. 

I don't think I know you Steve.  Someone else invited me to check out this site a while ago.

I don't feel much emotional suffering now.  I'm focused on positive creation and personal growth, and always Love in the ways it currently manifests in my life.  You are right, friendship is a blessing.

I don't want to identify myself in my mind as a "victim" of someone saying mean things to me or letting me down in a big way or not being there for me.  I want to let go of all negative feelings like that and focus on love, forgiveness and gratitude for everything I have to be grateful for!

Perhaps this thread is about other things now.  To bring it back to topic...

I think Love IS forgiveness and gratitude, and without these two things deeper Love cannot be known.

I find the teachings of Neem Karoli Baba on Love and the Heart to be very insightful and to resonate as True with me.  He says it is best to not "close your heart" to anyone, including those who have caused me or others suffering, but I think it is a good idea to let go and stay away from such people, unless they sincerely want to reconnect, speak.

My injury is a beautiful experience.  At one point, one night months ago, I thought I might not survive or have done irreparable damage to myself from the "medicine" the doctor prescribed me.  In these moments of the greatest pain my body had ever felt, when I thought I might be leaving my body and my friends came to help me, I thought of the one who I considered my "best friend" who told me I was her best friend and that we would always be friends, I realized if she would not talk to me when I thought I might be dying, there is no good reason for that, so heartbreaking.  Though I survived and am now on the way to full recovery, it almost feels as though the one I had been closest to in this incarnation has died, and I've been grieving for a long time.

I now realize this is only one way to view things.  My injury is a beautiful experience and my suffering the greatest lesson, to help me know what I must let go of the most to help myself and others in this Life, which is my true goal.  I want to help this world, and I know it is an illusion to think I must have any certain individual or group of people remain close or at all in my life to do my work, to help others and to continue my own spiritual unfoldment.

I hope others can see some reflection of themselves through my words, they are honest and sincere from my own own perspective, though I know much of what they describe could also be called "illusions" or "false love."  This is what I am trying to let go of, false love and illusions, which I think my injury has given me much encouragement to do so.  Coming "close to death" has led to me re-evaluating my life deeper than ever before, and want to be fearless with my honesty about myself and towards others in any way which I think may help them. 

I think Love is letting go of all ideas of Love, and false love and illusions along with it, and opening up to the greater, infinite reality of what Love is.

I think we are Love, in our truest definition of who we are and what binds us.  God is Love.  All is Love.  We are a reflection of God.  We are Love.

Much Love

Namaste
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