The bliss of being nobody special

[brock]

There is great bliss in not being important. I don't mean the false kind of unimportance - the feigned humility stuff. The idea that I am such a great saint because I am so unimportant. Not the concept of being unimportant or devaluing oneself. I mean, in fact, the actual inner feeling that I am not really a big deal at all. Because when that realization dawned on me, like a glimpse, I felt a certain freshness that was very real.

It's such a hard life being a big deal. Dropping the morbid self-consciousness that we live with is an outcome of right meditation. No visions are necessary for it. Self-consciousness move between poles. One minute you are thinking you are a good guy, maybe because you did a good deed. The next minute you are feeling like you are the greatest sinner because you made a mistake. This is how it works.

It is the idea that I am important, significant, that I need to be special, that I'm different, that I need to show the world, that I need to make things right, that I need to make somebody proud of me, that I need to make people love me...

and then one day...

Swish,
whoom.
It's windy outside.

[SpiritImage]

I've always sort of had this feeling you describe. My name, my birthday, my accomplishments (whatever that is), just doesn't seem important. Almost like these things were given to me, but I didn't ask for them, yet they're required to live on this planet/society. When in reality, none of that matters.

But then if you tell anybody, like people you work with or just random encounters, you're suspicious, you don't follow the sheep.