Control and Obstinacy in the AOY

[Steve Hydonus]

Recently i added to a thread here called 'Control Freaks' As if by fate i suddenly came across this entry in the Autobiography of a Yogi under 'Freedom to Express'.

He (Swami Sri Yukteswar) rose then in the gathering darkness and guided me to an inner room. As we ate mangoes and almond sweetmeats, he unobtrusively wove into his conversation an intimate knowledge of my nature. I was awe-struck at the grandeur of his wisdom, exquisitely blended with an innate humility.

"Do not grieve for your amulet. It has served its purpose." Like a divine mirror, my guru apparently had caught a reflection of my whole life.

"The living reality of your presence, Master, is joy beyond any symbol."

"It is time for a change, inasmuch as you are unhappily situated in the hermitage."

I had made no references to my life; they now seemed superfluous! By his natural, unemphatic manner, I understood that he wished no astonished ejaculations at his clairvoyance.

"You should go back to Calcutta. Why exclude relatives from your love of humanity?"

His suggestion dismayed me. My family was predicting my return, though I had been unresponsive to many pleas by letter. "Let the young bird fly in the metaphysical skies," Ananta had remarked. "His wings will tire in the heavy atmosphere. We shall yet see him swoop toward home, fold his pinions, and humbly rest in our family nest." This discouraging simile fresh in my mind, I was determined to do no "swooping" in the direction of Calcutta.

"Sir, I am not returning home. But I will follow you anywhere. Please give me your address, and your name."

"Swami Sri Yukteswar Giri. My chief hermitage is in Serampore, on Rai Ghat Lane. I am visiting my mother here for only a few days."

I wondered at God's intricate play with His devotees. Serampore is but twelve miles from Calcutta, yet in those regions I had never caught a glimpse of my guru. We had had to travel for our meeting to the ancient city of Kasi (Benares), hallowed by memories of Lahiri Mahasaya. Here too the feet of Buddha, Shankaracharya and other Yogi-Christs had blessed the soil.

"You will come to me in four weeks." For the first time, Sri Yukteswar's voice was stern. "Now I have told my eternal affection, and have shown my happiness at finding you that is why you disregard my request. The next time we meet, you will have to reawaken my interest: I won't accept you as a disciple easily. There must be complete surrender by obedience to my strict training."

I remained obstinately silent. My guru easily penetrated my difficulty.

"Do you think your relatives will laugh at you?"

"I will not return."

"You will return in thirty days."

"Never." Bowing reverently at his feet, I departed without lightening the controversial tension. As I made my way in the midnight darkness, I wondered why the miraculous meeting had ended on an inharmonious note. The dual scales of maya, that balance every joy with a grief! My young heart was not yet malleable to the transforming fingers of my guru.

The next morning I noticed increased hostility in the attitude of the hermitage members. My days became spiked with invariable rudeness. In three weeks, Dyananda left the ashram to attend a conference in Bombay; pandemonium broke over my hapless head.

"Mukunda is a parasite, accepting hermitage hospitality without making proper return." Overhearing this remark, I regretted for the first time that I had obeyed the request to send back my money to Father. With heavy heart, I sought out my sole friend, Jitendra.

"I am leaving. Please convey my respectful regrets to Dyanandaji when he returns."

"I will leave also! My attempts to meditate here meet with no more favor than your own." Jitendra spoke with determination.

"I have met a Christlike saint. Let us visit him in Serampore."

And so the "bird" prepared to "swoop" perilously close to Calcutta!

[Steve Hydonus]

"You will come to me in four weeks." For the first time, Sri Yukteswar's voice was stern. "Now I have told my eternal affection, and have shown my happiness at finding you that is why you disregard my request. The next time we meet, you will have to reawaken my interest: I won't accept you as a disciple easily. There must be complete surrender by obedience to my strict training."

I find this statement tells volumes. Why? Because we are often like this; you give a person an inch and they will often take a yard from you. However, very few people recognize what they take; Yogananda did.

[kingfisher111]

I'm not sure if I totally understand these two stories...

It seems they are about the "giving up" of one's ego and desires which is needed when following a guru.

I've been there, earlier in life...  there is a bliss to that, but like the baby bird, one day all students must fly on their own.... (and yet remain students of Life and Universe if they truly seek wisdom and continued awakening or spiritual growth).

The control and obstinacy I relate more to now, is what does my ego provoke of me... and the moments when I know this is not in accord with what my Higher Self, or True Self or perhaps God wishes...

These are the true moments of unhealthy control and obstinacy I struggle with sometimes... brought about by laziness, anger, sadness or other similar lower vibrations, which I sometimes feel.

On the other hand... I've been practicing and making a habit of acceptance of these moments and challenges.  Letting the EGO not give up control for a bit, and not always judging it and being upset at my limitations, but taking a breathe.  This will usually allow the obstinacy of my ego to relent more quickly, the same way yelling at a problematic child might only cause more problems, but simply acting bored by their temper tantrum will leave them only with themselves to reflect upon their actions and STATE, and more likely produce change...


I feel my GURU was always the Divine, for the Human vessel I know who took that role for me was quite flawed, but someone the Divine spoke through him to me, and I must say, that time of life when I was inspired to give up control and obstinacy in the face of another who I trusted with my mortal and spiritual existence was a very blissful, if often challenging, time of my life.

[Steve Hydonus]

If one is fortunate to b in the presence of a guru - a true master and embodiment of the divine - there is no "flying away" - until we are completely liberated.... completely free in spirit. There is no equivalent in the lower kingdoms when we speak of the ultimate liberation into spirit a human has as potential. Why? Because a guru can help us get there much much faster and a guru's protection, discipline and guidance come at the most needed times for a devotee trying to find freedom and facing challenges only God him or herself can unravel.

Jitendra

[mccoy]

Also, it seems to be a divine law that we need a Guru to find salvation, we cannot reach it on our own simply by praying to God.

[tides2dust]

Also, it seems to be a divine law that we need a Guru to find salvation, we cannot reach it on our own simply by praying to God.

Perhaps from the magnetism created in the Seeker a Guru is revealed.