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Being useful in relationships.


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Steve Hydonus
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« on: Jun 28, 2015 10:52 pm »

It seems to me that usefulness seizes when one of the parties in a relationship decides that their explanation for the relationship and its challenges is infallible and they have no reason to compromise. This shows an indication of ego to me- when one of the parties in a friendship or what at one time was a workable relationship becomes locked or set in their own views. There is really nothing that can be done in such cases. All you can do is pray for them and be patient with them. Many times people have the view - 'It is my way or the highway' But they really do not recognize it. If they would look at the deterioration of their friendships it would be more obvious.

Usefulness can be looked at as the reaching out that one of the partners does when the other refuses to make any adjustments. Of course when someone does this they often experience the same obstinacy. So again the relationship is at a stalemate and there is no choice but to seek other avenues of expression. Yet there are times when both individuals recognize that a adjustments in attitudes must take place to continue on. It may be quite different but is possible. I have seen it happen in my own life.
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« Reply #1 on: Jun 29, 2015 12:26 am »

Steve, I have noticed from reading your posts here and elsewhere that you seem to have sort of an ongoing discussions with relationships,

Is it possible that your attachment is too strong?

I don't mean to sound negative or positive, just mostly curious and a little concerned, as while I don't have perfect relationships by any means, I don't seem to look at and delve into a relationship the way that you and others do.
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« Reply #2 on: Jun 29, 2015 02:52 am »

Steve, I have noticed from reading your posts here and elsewhere that you seem to have sort of an ongoing discussions with relationships,

Is it possible that your attachment is too strong?

I don't mean to sound negative or positive, just mostly curious and a little concerned, as while I don't have perfect relationships by any means, I don't seem to look at and delve into a relationship the way that you and others do.


Now if I were to say no would u believe me? Fortunately I have many friends... i often spend time thinking about them. I believe some of them are strongly karmic in nature. Both for good and bad... but mostly helpful.
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« Reply #3 on: Jun 29, 2015 04:05 am »

OK cool, I just get the feeling like someone's always giving you the shaft. Well that's how it reads with my limited intuition.
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« Reply #4 on: Jun 29, 2015 05:59 am »

OK cool, I just get the feeling like someone's always giving you the shaft. Well that's how it reads with my limited intuition.

Hey now nobody ever said this place was going to b easy or that we were going to get a free ride working out all our karma. LOL .... but maybe one such as myself should look into such matters.

Instead of working out challenges most people will just throw in the towel. I am more predisposed to find solutions. Quite often this takes energy, problem solving and thought. Perhaps that is part of what  u r seeing. My hope is that this is the case and I am not kidding myself.
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« Reply #5 on: Jun 29, 2015 08:11 pm »

Instead of working out challenges most people will just throw in the towel. I am more predisposed to find solutions.

I can be pretty relentless as well in finding a solution to an impossible problem, but when it comes to a relationship, for some reason I don't analyze it or try to uncover the possible causes or forces that creates a particular situation. Maybe I should.
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« Reply #6 on: Aug 07, 2015 06:23 pm »

Instead of working out challenges most people will just throw in the towel. I am more predisposed to find solutions.

I can be pretty relentless as well in finding a solution to an impossible problem, but when it comes to a relationship, for some reason I don't analyze it or try to uncover the possible causes or forces that creates a particular situation. Maybe I should.

My interest here, is more centered on what I have seen as a reoccurring theme of marriages and relationships in spiritual seekers. That is to give up their spiritual meditation oriented relationships and fall back into karma of the past with relationships that do not reflect or encourage their spiritual aspirations but instead discourage them and lead them away from certain events in life that kept us/them on the path of spiritual awakening. They trade one set of challenges for a more lethal one. That is challenges in spiritual understanding for challenges with partners that do not and cannot relate to their spiritual life. This is the subject of finding and staying with companions - whatever the relationship - with evolutionary compatability.

Having so much concern about marriage and a long term relationship is not as important as having relationships that are harmonious with spiritual understanding. In our haste to have just any relationship we often see what appears to be karmic happenstance but instead is later to be understood as spiritual comradery and destiny.
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« Reply #7 on: Aug 08, 2015 01:50 am »

We have to work with our situation though.

You can learn different things either way.

I'm not so sure any way is any better than some other way, it's all in how you deal with it.
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« Reply #8 on: Feb 11, 2016 06:36 pm »

OK cool, I just get the feeling like someone's always giving you the shaft. Well that's how it reads with my limited intuition.
[/quotelways best to give those we r just getting to know--- the benefit of the doubt--- that is what i always hope to do in improving my own attractiveness. What i have found is that some people have so much baggage they carry with them that they automatically think people they meet and know r part of that baggage.

We must make our decisions based on time. We may find ourselves with many friends and acauaintances and also many responsibiliites. So---for me--- it is not a matter of complaining about others and what they do but rather it is a matter of trying to understand who really appreciates us and finding time to spend quality hours with them. There r many such people---thank God--so there is really no need to complain!

Quote often we find that we r making an effort to understand others and they no longer make a comparable effort at working at the relationship. When this happens we may b fortunate two have 'attracted' wonderful people who do appreciate us and show a concern. I believe that many of us can relate to that.
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« Reply #9 on: Feb 11, 2016 06:40 pm »

OK cool, I just get the feeling like someone's always giving you the shaft. Well that's how it reads with my limited intuition.

No this is not my concern. l ways think its best to give those we r just getting to know--- the benefit of the doubt--- that is what i always hope to do in improving my own attractiveness. What i have found is that some people have so much baggage they carry with them that they automatically think people they meet and know r part of that baggage.

We must make our decisions based on time. We may find ourselves with many friends and acauaintances and also many responsibiliites. So---for me--- it is not a matter of complaining about others and what they do but rather it is a matter of trying to understand who really appreciates us and finding time to spend quality hours with them. There r many such people---thank God--so there is really no need to complain!

In fairness to your observation above.... often we find that we r making an effort to understand others and they no longer make a comparable effort at working at the relationship. When this happens we may b fortunate to have attracted wonderful people who do appreciate us and show a concern. I believe that many of us can relate to that.
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