Companionship with Evolutionary Compatibility

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Recently, while writing to someone this title came up in the subject title area as I began to type... a synchronistic event.  It seemed pertinent  to myself as well as others who have come into my life. It seems that often because of practical concerns or geographical proximity we often choose friends and lovers that do not sufficiently reflect our spiritual goals in life. We may even let others drift away from us that may be better for our spiritual environment in a misguided attempt to deal with current situations or a karmic tie to past encounters that no longer reflect our current spiritual aspirations. I have found this to be a concern when I myself have choices to make in who I decide to let in my life.

[Shannon]

Each soul is utterly unique, no?  I mention this because what might seem like misguided activity to one may not seem – or even be - misguided to another; it may actually be a necessary part of one’s spiritual evolution to experience what and who they do, and when – and within which circumstances.  It seems to me that friends are simply friends; you feel them, you celebrate them – you enjoy their company when they are there, and miss them when they are gone – but one does not weigh and measure the intent of a friend, or analyze their life – or have expectations, etc.  Sometimes old (soul) friends appear when we need a little support.  Sometimes they come when we need a push in the tush, and they look more like an enemy than a friend.  Sometimes no matter how great the desire, there is no friend to be felt.  All of this is as it is, and I trust there is a good reason behind it.  Time is also a very funny thing.  We use words like ‘current’ and ‘aspiring’ which both imply a sense of time and movement, but really…. we are who we are, and a friend is a friend is a friend.  Does this make any sense?  It isn’t what we do that connects us so much as who we are.

Example.  While in France I met a lady – a wonderful, wonderful lady – and we quite quickly became friends despite generational, linguistic, religious and cultural differences.  I use the word ‘became’ in the earthly sense, meaning we had no prior knowledge of each other, on the surface had little in common, and yet, there was a feeling of family between us instantly.  Why?  Because we did not ‘become’ friends.  We were friends already.  I did not ‘let’ her in my life – she was just suddenly in it!  Who knows why?  Maybe she felt my need for support.  Maybe God wanted us to have a little fun.  Maybe she needed something I was able to give.  I feel very blessed that I was allowed to recognize her and be flooded with all the warmth that comes with such.  But!  I will likely not see her again on earth.  We may write on occasion, but communication often wanes.  Do I love her less?  No way!  Do I rearrange my entire life to spend more time with her?  No!  Not practical!  But, a friend is a friend is a friend and I shall love her always – locked in to keep.  True friends are gifts.  You cannot go out and just choose yourself a gift – it has to be given – and also accepted.  We can present ourselves as gifts when the feeling moves us, but… there is no guarantee the other is in a place where they can or want to accept.  It does not make them less of a friend.  It makes them just like you – on a particular path.

Another example; my husband of these past 22 years is also a friend.  In the same manner, we had little on the surface in common when we met.  We embarked on a life adventure anyway – because there was that deep, unmistaken soul recognition.  We made mistakes!  We did some things well.  We laughed, we yelled, we cried and we were silent, too.  That marriage is over.  But!  A friend is a friend is a friend.  Perhaps I could have spent those decades in a cave, or in a convent – or some kind of spiritual retreat, or seeking a mate whose aspirations exactly met mine  - but that is not what I needed for growth.  Where would the challenge be in that?  I needed to experience tangible, messy, beautiful life.  I got what I needed in the material sense (lessons learned through being a wife, mother, partner, etc.) and thank God, I still got what I needed on the spiritual plane (to play out some earthly roles with a real friend.)

Now I am rambling, and I feel I’ve reached the limit on how many times a person can use the word ‘friend’ and still be credible.  Lol.  Just some thoughts your post brought to mind.  Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts, too.  S.

 

[mccoy]

That marriage is over

!!??

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

There are times in our life that we recognise the gravity... the depth of encounters and we r often lost in the impact of the moment. We feel the emotional release.... the catharsis... we feel in tune with the feelings and thoughts of others. It is a good feeling. Silence, at times is the best language if we can express it in a way that others do not feel offended. Shannon: Thanks so much for opening up and sharing!

Om Tat Sat

[Shannon]

Hi McCoy – sadly, yes.  I may seem cavalier now, but there have been months of soul shaking pain. It’s a process – and in going through it, I realize not all of that pain came from just my marriage.  It’s older than that.  So, in this way, it is good that I go through the inner work.  Perhaps I can finally be free of certain demons.  My challenge is to embrace the change without letting bitterness set in.  I aim for compassion.  Most days I succeed.  Some nights I do not – not fully yet, anyway.  My husband experienced a midlife crisis.  Some call it crisis.  Maybe a more positive term is ‘epiphany’.  This is not something I can fix.  It has been humbling, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. 

Steve, it’s amazing how many people I have heard from recently out of the blue – friends and family from far away who sensed my pain though they could not have possibly ‘known’ it was there. Such serendipities reinforce my faith in the Mysterious.

 

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Hi McCoy – sadly, yes.  I may seem cavalier now, but there have been months of soul shaking pain. It’s a process – and in going through it, I realize not all of that pain came from just my marriage.  It’s older than that.  So, in this way, it is good that I go through the inner work.  Perhaps I can finally be free of certain demons.  My challenge is to embrace the change without letting bitterness set in.  I aim for compassion.  Most days I succeed.  Some nights I do not – not fully yet, anyway.  My husband experienced a midlife crisis.  Some call it crisis.  Maybe a more positive term is ‘epiphany’.  This is not something I can fix.  It has been humbling, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. 

Steve, it’s amazing how many people I have heard from recently out of the blue – friends and family from far away who sensed my pain though they could not have possibly ‘known’ it was there. Such serendipities reinforce my faith in the Mysterious.

 

Your presence is greatly appreciated here! Thanks for opening up to us and revealing yourself a bit!

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Hi McCoy – sadly, yes.  I may seem cavalier now, but there have been months of soul shaking pain. It’s a process – and in going through it, I realize not all of that pain came from just my marriage.  It’s older than that.  So, in this way, it is good that I go through the inner work.  Perhaps I can finally be free of certain demons.  My challenge is to embrace the change without letting bitterness set in.  I aim for compassion.  Most days I succeed.  Some nights I do not – not fully yet, anyway.  My husband experienced a midlife crisis.  Some call it crisis.  Maybe a more positive term is ‘epiphany’.  This is not something I can fix.  It has been humbling, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. 

Steve, it’s amazing how many people I have heard from recently out of the blue – friends and family from far away who sensed my pain though they could not have possibly ‘known’ it was there. Such serendipities reinforce my faith in the Mysterious.

 

Many of us have gone thru these irrevocable changes (myself included). It is amazing to find such coldness in others when such warmth was once present. Thru time we often recognize that their presence served to stimulate illusions rather then to highlight hope and uplifting transformation. Proclaimed Love should at least b able to give kindness at its loss... but apparently some people can not even do that.

Fortunately for us the great ones do have a plan for us that does include happiness in our lives. Slow by slow we recognize the kindness God provides. We might not have even expected from what corner assauging comfort and reassurance unexpectedly emerge.

[mccoy]

Heck, Shannon, sorry to hear that, I hope the kids are not overly affected. From what my slow brain can grasp they should be with you now.

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Each soul is utterly unique, no?  I mention this because what might seem like misguided activity to one may not seem – or even be - misguided to another; it may actually be a necessary part of one’s spiritual evolution to experience what and who they do, and when – and within which circumstances.  It seems to me that friends are simply friends; you feel them, you celebrate them – you enjoy their company when they are there, and miss them when they are gone – but one does not weigh and measure the intent of a friend, or analyze their life – or have expectations, etc.  Sometimes old (soul) friends appear when we need a little support.  Sometimes they come when we need a push in the tush, and they look more like an enemy than a friend.  Sometimes no matter how great the desire, there is no friend to be felt.  All of this is as it is, and I trust there is a good reason behind it.  Time is also a very funny thing.  We use words like ‘current’ and ‘aspiring’ which both imply a sense of time and movement, but really…. we are who we are, and a friend is a friend is a friend.  Does this make any sense?  It isn’t what we do that connects us so much as who we are.

Example.  While in France I met a lady – a wonderful, wonderful lady – and we quite quickly became friends despite generational, linguistic, religious and cultural differences.  I use the word ‘became’ in the earthly sense, meaning we had no prior knowledge of each other, on the surface had little in common, and yet, there was a feeling of family between us instantly.  Why?  Because we did not ‘become’ friends.  We were friends already.  I did not ‘let’ her in my life – she was just suddenly in it!  Who knows why?  Maybe she felt my need for support.  Maybe God wanted us to have a little fun.  Maybe she needed something I was able to give.  I feel very blessed that I was allowed to recognize her and be flooded with all the warmth that comes with such.  But!  I will likely not see her again on earth.  We may write on occasion, but communication often wanes.  Do I love her less?  No way!  Do I rearrange my entire life to spend more time with her?  No!  Not practical!  But, a friend is a friend is a friend and I shall love her always – locked in to keep.  True friends are gifts.  You cannot go out and just choose yourself a gift – it has to be given – and also accepted.  We can present ourselves as gifts when the feeling moves us, but… there is no guarantee the other is in a place where they can or want to accept.  It does not make them less of a friend.  It makes them just like you – on a particular path.

Another example; my husband of these past 22 years is also a friend.  In the same manner, we had little on the surface in common when we met.  We embarked on a life adventure anyway – because there was that deep, unmistaken soul recognition.  We made mistakes!  We did some things well.  We laughed, we yelled, we cried and we were silent, too.  That marriage is over.  But!  A friend is a friend is a friend.  Perhaps I could have spent those decades in a cave, or in a convent – or some kind of spiritual retreat, or seeking a mate whose aspirations exactly met mine  - but that is not what I needed for growth.  Where would the challenge be in that?  I needed to experience tangible, messy, beautiful life.  I got what I needed in the material sense (lessons learned through being a wife, mother, partner, etc.) and thank God, I still got what I needed on the spiritual plane (to play out some earthly roles with a real friend.)

Now I am rambling, and I feel I’ve reached the limit on how many times a person can use the word ‘friend’ and still be credible.  Lol.  Just some thoughts your post brought to mind.  Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts, too.  S.

 

Shannon 

u often get me thinkin' and reviewing my own outlooks. This time is no different.

There is much to sift thru here and I may add or perhaps even subtract to this post. Perhaps  u did not need a response but it seems to me that when someone writes such a personal testimony and with their views included that it warrants a response.

I do believe your view of friends is somewhat different then my own.... not better or worst... but different. No doubt many of our views r the same...we may have just not have thought of one another's as much as our own.

I have quite a few people come in and out of my life as perhaps u do also. Many of them want something from me. I suppose we all want something from someone else. Yet there is only so much we can give. It is nice feeling to have soneone else give to us also. It seems like part of the equation... otherwise it might not add up. This often brings awareness of who we have time for and who has time or will make time for us.

I remember hearing a lecture once by Brother Anandamoy in which he said; 'when u see people together for long periods of time it is not a coincidence. These people have done a lot of work at their relationships, lifetimes  of work.'

The very fortunate form of communication  we have today is the internet. So we actually can go on being friends with others at quite a distance  without, perhaps even having had met them.

We do meet people on the way that I call circumstantial contacts. They r more like associates that we by hap stance r drawn in their presence for a time... then we may never see them or hear from them again this lifetime.

Then there r twinsouls, soulmates and divine friends. These r contacts from life to life and we maintain our relationships with them because we know we r here to help them in the long haul and they r here to help us. They
r of a similar frequency to our own and  we r helping one another towards liberation. The Master tells us to especially b helpful to such a spiritual family.

"Sometimes old (soul) friends appear when we need a little support.  Sometimes they come when we need a push in the tush, and they look more like an enemy than a friend."

I really liked what u wrote above. It made me smile!!

U r quite a creativery-cherry person shannon. U have shared some of your creativity with us at yogachacha.org. I hope u do with others here as well. I especially would like to read your poetry again and hope u leave us a link for it here in our creating a mid-section(lost it there): 'Art and Creative Expressions'.

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Another example; my husband of these past 22 years is also a friend.  In the same manner, we had little on the surface in common when we met.  We embarked on a life adventure anyway – because there was that deep, unmistaken soul recognition.  We made mistakes!  We did some things well.  We laughed, we yelled, we cried and we were silent, too.  That marriage is over.  But!  A friend is a friend is a friend.  Perhaps I could have spent those decades in a cave, or in a convent – or some kind of spiritual retreat, or seeking a mate whose aspirations exactly met mine  - but that is not what I needed for growth.  Where would the challenge be in that?  I needed to experience tangible, messy, beautiful life.  I got what I needed in the material sense (lessons learned through being a wife, mother, partner, etc.) and thank God, I still got what I needed on the spiritual plane (to play out some earthly roles with a real friend.)

Now I am rambling, and I feel I’ve reached the limit on how many times a person can use the word ‘friend’ and still be credible.  Lol.  Just some thoughts your post brought to mind.  Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts, too.  S.

 

All of us r different Shannon....but speaking for myself... i just can't imagine being/living with someone who does not have similar spiritual aspirations and meditates. It is not just for me but for the other person as well. They would quickly find my routine of energization, meditation and reading spiritual material boring to them. If not it would eventually arise when someone else wants to do something else for 'entertainment' and your interests just do not coincide. One person wants to see a saint or be in a spiritually uplifting place while the other wants to go to a sports occasion or golfing etc.  i believe that if we have genuine spiritual aspirations we eventually find others around us who do not have such interests; fall out of our lives. Then there are those who take their place who reinforce our highest aspirations and interests. i have seen this in my own life.

You have a lot of spiritual affinities and were born into this life with an interest in beauty, poetry and with spiritual good karma. It may b more accurate to say that one such as yourself has already withdrew into a world of one's own beauty and was dedicated to an art and/or a spiritual life. Even in this lifetime the desire is strong. As like any ascetic it is necessary to develop these talents and the ability to gain the trust of others (which you have done) in an atmosphere of solitude...which you have done somewhere in the distant past.  This shows thru in your spiritual evolution and is not just my observation but those of spiritual seekers who i have learned from their wisdom and insight. Your spiritual journey this life is tied in strongly with others and your service with them.

It is difficult to part from what we really are. We eventually come to a recognition of our true nature and become aware of the fact that there are others around us who leave our lives or we leave them because they just cannot really understand what we have learned and what we practice as 'old souls' Of course because of karmic reasons we may continue to communicate at a superficial level but we realize that a chapter of our lives has come to a close.

Be True to Yourself

This is the time to fight if you are ready
or this is the time to change your beliefs
This is the time to live all your passions
This is the time to show how you feel

If its not real
You don't want to hold it
If its not real how can you go with it?
If it not you
It will show thru
If nothing else
Be true to yourself

Sometimes your life has no meaning
That's when your faith must show thru
Somehow, somewhere there will be an answer
and all your efforts will bear fruit

This is the time to look in the mirror
This is the time to ask to see clearer

If its not real
You don't want to hold it
If its not real how can you go with it?
If it not you
It will show thru
If nothing else
Be true to yourself

J.

[SpiritImage]

It's always been interesting to me how details of this nature can transform the attitudes and thoughts of others.

[mccoy]

I appreciate Steve's optimistic outlook on such events, and that is probably the right way we shoul regard them.

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

I appreciate Steve's optimistic outlook on such events, and that is probably the right way we shoul regard them.

Human emotions are often quite complicated. I can understand the feelings that shannon speaks of but when we say God we may be talking about two different things from two different people. In the same way when we talk about relationships we are talking about the views of two different people. Many things happen to these people and there views change. Relationships  are fluid not static. What we had once is often very different now. But we must remember it is all good. We get this view in retrospect. When we are in the process it is often difficult for our feelings which may be out of place with current circumstances. It's just quite a lesson... these experiences we have with others.

[SpiritImage]

Aint that the truth.

[Shannon]

Thank you Steve - I appreciate your reaching out and taking the time to respond - putting your thoughts on 'paper'.  Much food for thought there.  This is a very difficult time for me, and so it is not easy or even possible at times to form ideas into coherent words. I have attempted to reply a few times but everything that comes out feels forced and contrite.  That said, I didn't want another day to go by without at least a 'thank you'.  So, thank you!  I am spending a lot of time these days just being - doing simple things that make me happy, and trying to get a handle on my emotions. I read a lot, and paint - meditate - take care of the children.  Bought myself a bodhran a couple of weeks ago; something I've wanted for many years, and so when I feel I am about to burst I practice rhythms.  Ha ha.  life's a trip.  :-)

McCoy, yes the children are with me.  They are certainly impacted, but we will do our best.  Our home is peaceful.  I am considering adding a dog to our little family in the summertime. The holidays are trying with all the nostalgia, but I will go to my family on the West coast soon for a love filled visit. My husband is still in the picture and is very sorrowful about how he chose to make his exit, etc and we will always be friends - I know this in my core - but at the moment, I prefer to avoid his presence because my main emotion despite all is that of profound betrayal.  Listening to his apologies and professions of how this is the best for all of us (so that we can grow) should be some consolation, but if I am homest, deep down, I am still raging - and it impacts my health.  c'est la vie!  <3