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Author Topic: Vulnerability  (Read 210 times)
Shannon
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« on: Jan 30, 2016 07:21 pm »

Yes, very true.   Smiley I wish to be light hearted - am here to play, to learn, to share and be inspired - to help where and when I can, to tackle heavy topics when others are interested as well, but not in a judgemental sense, etc.  At the same time I am experimenting with vulnerability - allowing more than just my happiest and strongest parts to be seen because to be fully genuine one must be okay with being vulnerable.  Vulnerability is an important human quality.  That is what I meant by it not serving me in the past -  sharing only the good, etc.  Does that make sense?  This recent separation with my husband has been eye opening.  I consciously chose  against my usual habit to share certain not-so-inspiring feelings with my friends and family, and was very touched by the outpouring of compassion.  I was not surprised, becuase compassion is of course what we all feel when others are in pain, but it was still difficult for me to do (you know how Scorpios can be!).  I am now trying to stretch that concept/habit further in daily life.  It's a process.  I would be interested to know if others have thought of 'vulnerability' as a concept - a useful, beautiful thing (or not) - but maybe I am going off topic.  What were we talking about?  Lol.
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« Reply #1 on: Jan 30, 2016 10:49 pm »

Wonderful Shannon

i think you have a very good topic to start here. Although i must admit that i made it into a topic. We are very fortunate to have you with us even though it may be a difficult time for you. Thanks for getting involved and being a friend! Perhaps others can relate to your latest post above. If not---- I can! There are signals others give out that show they are not sensitive to your vulnerability. There can be coldness, aloofness, criticism, anger and actual abuse. When we experience these qualities coming from others we become aware that we can no longer be vulnerable with them. We must find another place to show child like openness.

It is true that the sign Scorpio is most often secretive. As you probably also know you have many other things happening in your chart. Mars and Uranus in Libra and the Moon in Sagittarius brings a whole different type of character! They just need a chance to be activated and Saturn transiting the seventh house in proximity to your Moon--this whole year--makes you look seriously at the way you have been handling relationships and what they now mean to you. It would be more difficult for you to be light hearted during this year because you are taking a deep look at your past and your emotions are coming to the surface for you to be more cognizant of. However at the same time you have Jupiter transiting your 5th house which is saying ' But i want to have fun . I  want to enjoy life and want to enjoy the time i have with my kids. i want to venture out and find new people to share creativity and the pleasures that come with life.' Sometimes life can be like this; A mixture of contrary emotions and energies. We could go deeper and deeper into the world of Shannon and what is happening. For instance the Mars transit in your sixth house is activating fears and inhibitions from the past for the short term.

You see though this is one of my vulnerabilities. i know i have something to offer but people often use me for it and sometimes even make fun of this entity called Steve. We all have this little kid in us that likes to express itself but often people cannot appreciate it.

But it is a mistake to over simplify the people and life we are experiencing. A person can be a little nutty at times. But often it is that very difference that attracts us to them. Maybe its not so nutty after all. Maybe there is something unusual happening here that i have something to learn from; that is a better attitude i have taken over the years. That is what i have found out about some people and situations. Shannon as you said; 'God is trying to expand our outlook.' It has happened to me many times..... we are stretching, stretching growing. We can look at our life and the people in it, much different as the years pass. Time, experience and the Master's guidance wears away at our preconceived ideas about ourselves and others -- and reveals to us the beauty of petals opening to the Sun's mighty power to awaken.



i can relate to what u mean when u say 'sharing the good and strong parts and how it has 'not always served u well in the past.' i remember Eric once told me that sometimes u can extend the hand of friendship and kindness to others and they can literally cut it off.

Sometimes though u find people that u would like to b light hearted with that u come to realize they do are not light hearted themselves and u have to take their intentions and feelings seriously. i think that is what u saw taking place at yoganandaji.org with someone u and i knew on the forum. What started out to be lightness, years of friendship and joking around ended up to b dead serious. Circumstances changed all that. Changes in relationships can also make dramatic changes in how people act towards one another. New people that come into their life may cause them to act quite different then they had before.

So u see u never know for sure the level of what u have triggered in someone else. It is good to stand back and say 'wow something i say or do may trigger past experiences in some one that were traumatic without me even knowing it. Or they may want something from me/you emotionally and as a friend, that i/you are unable to presently give to them. When they do not get it some can become easily vindictive. Suddenly you become the enemy and you can be accused and blamed for things that have never taken place or you have never done. It is not a general rule but we have to realize that mental illness is very prevalent in our culture and can and has manifested many times for many of us from other lost and weary souls living in their own private hell.

c'est bien vrai!


Yes, very true.   Smiley I wish to be light hearted - am here to play, to learn, to share and be inspired - to help where and when I can, to tackle heavy topics when others are interested as well, but not in a judgemental sense, etc.  At the same time I am experimenting with vulnerability - allowing more than just my happiest and strongest parts to be seen because to be fully genuine one must be okay with being vulnerable.  Vulnerability is an important human quality.  That is what I meant by it not serving me in the past -  sharing only the good, etc.  Does that make sense?  This recent separation with my husband has been eye opening.  I consciously chose  against my usual habit to share certain not-so-inspiring feelings with my friends and family, and was very touched by the outpouring of compassion.  I was not surprised, becuase compassion is of course what we all feel when others are in pain, but it was still difficult for me to do (you know how Scorpios can be!).  I am now trying to stretch that concept/habit further in daily life.  It's a process.  I would be interested to know if others have thought of 'vulnerability' as a concept - a useful, beautiful thing (or not) - but maybe I am going off topic.  What were we talking about?  Lol.

« Last Edit: Jan 31, 2016 12:25 am by Steve Hydonus » Report Spam   Logged

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« Reply #2 on: Feb 01, 2016 12:28 am »

I agree with Steve that it's better to conceal our vulnerabilities in this often hostile world. Although sharing them may be helpful and constructive in the right context, like in these fora.

I sure have vulnerabilities, although I do not know what they are, lol. I like to focus on the soul's invincibility. Vulnerabilities are part of the satanic framework which keeps suggesting to us how limited we are.
 
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Shannon
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« Reply #3 on: Feb 01, 2016 03:55 am »

Good points.  Smiley

Below is a link to a TED talk on the topic of vulnerability and how being vulnerable is actually a show of strength not weakness and frailty.  It is an interesring study.  The video is about 20 minutes.  It is the framework I had in mind when thinking about this topic.  McCoy, if you warch it, I'd love to know your thoughts e.g. if it influenced you to see vulnerability any differently.



Steve, I am sorry you often feel used by people.  That sucks.  If the people around you don't appreciate what you have to offer, maybe it is better to change company and be around those who will.  Company or attitude!  Those are two changable things we can work with.  Everyone feels used sometimes.  I find I do if I don't take care of myself and sharpen the saw - consciously do things unrelated to servicing others that make me happy and bring energy in, to replenish what went out.   Smiley

P.S. Thank you for the breakdown of my planets.  It was nice of you to take the time/energy. It feels pretty accurate.  Smiley

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« Reply #4 on: Feb 01, 2016 06:29 am »

Good points.  Smiley

Below is a link to a TED talk on the topic of vulnerability and how being vulnerable is actually a show of strength not weakness and frailty.  It is an interesring study.  The video is about 20 minutes.  It is the framework I had in mind when thinking about this topic.  McCoy, if you warch it, I'd love to know your thoughts e.g. if it influenced you to see vulnerability any differently.



Steve, I am sorry you often feel used by people.  That sucks.  If the people around you don't appreciate what you have to offer, maybe it is better to change company and be around those who will.  Company or attitude!  Those are two changable things we can work with.  Everyone feels used sometimes.  I find I do if I don't take care of myself and sharpen the saw - consciously do things unrelated to servicing others that make me happy and bring energy in, to replenish what went out.   Smiley

P.S. Thank you for the breakdown of my planets.  It was nice of you to take the time/energy. It feels pretty accurate.  Smiley

As attitude changes so does company! i have used people also but when they need something i tried to make sure i could give it to them. It is o.k. if people use us as long as people do not misuse us.
« Last Edit: Feb 01, 2016 06:35 am by Steve Hydonus » Report Spam   Logged

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Shannon
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« Reply #5 on: Feb 01, 2016 05:25 pm »

Very true!  And sometimes, people are like children - give an inch, we are taken a mile.  Children have no idea of reciprocity at first, and they constantly test the limits of what other people will do for them, or what they can 'get'.  As the parents, we have to set the boundaries.  The same is true with adults sometimes!  When I was in my twenties, I was very much a 'yes' girl and spent a lot of time doing things for other people that I didn't really want to do.  I mean, I WANTED to, but only to please them without considering the cost for me as far as time and energy, etc.  I felt used a lot, and blamed the people I felt were using me for not respecting me very much.  Then one weekend, while sitting at my sewing machine with a pile of VERY expensive fabric trying to sew curtains for a lady at work who asked me if I would, I thought, "What the heck am I doing?  I don't feel comfortable cutting this material.  I don't want to make these curtains.  Why doesn't she hire a professional?  She has plenty of money!"  I started getting upset and feeling taken advantage of then thought, "Wait, why did I agree to this?"  I took the material back to her the next Monday and said, "Sorry, but I don't feel comfortable doing this.  You should find someone else."  She was a little confused, but not really annoyed - took the material back and I was free of the burden.  After that I learned to say 'no' a lot more often from the get-go.  I realized people will not respect our space if we don't respect our space first by claiming it.  They don't do it to be disrespectful; it is childlike.  That was not the end of my people-pleasing personality by far.  In business, I always gave way more service than people paid for for instance.  That would sometimes end up badly because people didn't even realize I was working for 'free' and would get upset when I suddenly performed only what was reasonable instead of being superwoman.   But gradually over time I realized more and more we do no one favors if in performing an act of service if we eventually resent the person we are servicing.  Another realization was that sometimes we give 'gifts' to others through service, etc, but they have no clue we have done so.  That's fine if it is truly a gift and we expect no gratitude or recipritory action, but if we DO, we probably won't get what we want back because the person isn't even aware.  They didn't see it the same way.  Ever read the Five Languages of Love?  Fascinating stuff.  If you want someone to know you've done something loving for them, sometimes you have to spell it out in a 'language' they recognize.  We are all so different, and few can read minds.

Ayway, thank you for letting me ramble. I am trying to write three pages of whatever every day, for the practice.  I like to do some of that here, but if I am too verbose or not contributing in a helpful way, just let me know.   Smiley
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« Reply #6 on: Feb 02, 2016 01:48 am »

Children have no idea of reciprocity at first, and they constantly test the limits of what other people will do for them, or what they can 'get'.

You don't say.
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Shannon
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« Reply #7 on: Feb 02, 2016 03:01 am »


You don't say.

Lol. Just after my daughter was born, a lactation nurse in the hospital asked me if I had any experience with babies.  I told her this was the first newborn I had ever held.  She looked into my eyes with deadpan seriousness and said, "Well, you are at least aware that babies won't validate you, right?  I mean, they don't care a hoot about your needs."  Lol!  Yeah, buddy!  Ha ha.
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« Reply #8 on: Feb 02, 2016 04:12 am »

Lol. Just after my daughter was born, a lactation nurse in the hospital asked me if I had any experience with babies.

When my daughter was born, after an initial sort of the nurses trying to conceal what was happening, since she was not crying, about 1 minute later she "woke up". She was apparently asleep.

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« Reply #9 on: Feb 02, 2016 03:55 pm »

Very true!  And sometimes, people are like children - give an inch, we are taken a mile.  Children have no idea of reciprocity at first, and they constantly test the limits of what other people will do for them, or what they can 'get'.  As the parents, we have to set the boundaries.  The same is true with adults sometimes!  When I was in my twenties, I was very much a 'yes' girl and spent a lot of time doing things for other people that I didn't really want to do.  I mean, I WANTED to, but only to please them without considering the cost for me as far as time and energy, etc.  I felt used a lot, and blamed the people I felt were using me for not respecting me very much.  Then one weekend, while sitting at my sewing machine with a pile of VERY expensive fabric trying to sew curtains for a lady at work who asked me if I would, I thought, "What the heck am I doing?  I don't feel comfortable cutting this material.  I don't want to make these curtains.  Why doesn't she hire a professional?  She has plenty of money!"  I started getting upset and feeling taken advantage of then thought, "Wait, why did I agree to this?"  I took the material back to her the next Monday and said, "Sorry, but I don't feel comfortable doing this.  You should find someone else."  She was a little confused, but not really annoyed - took the material back and I was free of the burden.  After that I learned to say 'no' a lot more often from the get-go.  I realized people will not respect our space if we don't respect our space first by claiming it.  They don't do it to be disrespectful; it is childlike.  That was not the end of my people-pleasing personality by far.  In business, I always gave way more service than people paid for for instance.  That would sometimes end up badly because people didn't even realize I was working for 'free' and would get upset when I suddenly performed only what was reasonable instead of being superwoman.   But gradually over time I realized more and more we do no one favors if in performing an act of service if we eventually resent the person we are servicing.  Another realization was that sometimes we give 'gifts' to others through service, etc, but they have no clue we have done so.  That's fine if it is truly a gift and we expect no gratitude or recipritory action, but if we DO, we probably won't get what we want back because the person isn't even aware.  They didn't see it the same way.  Ever read the Five Languages of Love?  Fascinating stuff.  If you want someone to know you've done something loving for them, sometimes you have to spell it out in a 'language' they recognize.  We are all so different, and few can read minds.

Ayway, thank you for letting me ramble. I am trying to write three pages of whatever every day, for the practice.  I like to do some of that here, but if I am too verbose or not contributing in a helpful way, just let me know.   Smiley

Thanks shannon liegh

i have had that experience in communication. For instance; some people will spend hours talking with u on the phone but if u ask them if they will spend some time on a forum. They say: "i dont do the forum thing." or they would like u to be on their wall at facebook.  It  seems like reciprocity isn't such a big thing to ask for but  i am actually loosing the closeness of some friends because they simply see no reason that they just cant have it their way. i also am gaining some friends because i have 'spelled it out.'
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Shannon
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« Reply #10 on: Feb 02, 2016 04:27 pm »

Ah!  Does that mean you value the form of communication more than the communication itself?
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« Reply #11 on: Feb 02, 2016 05:11 pm »

Ah!  Does that mean you value the form of communication more than the communication itself?

It simply means that sharing interests is a part of life. When people can not they loose the abilty to  coexist in meaningful relationships and confine themselves to limiting their ability for spiritual companionship and communication.
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Shannon
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« Reply #12 on: Feb 02, 2016 06:24 pm »

Hmmm.  Steve, I suspect this board is important to you and you'd like to see it grow.

Do you nterpret people posting here as being supportive of your interests, which equates to friendship?

Please know that I am not challenging what you've said or how you think -  not at all!

Am just trying to understand - because someone preferring the phone vs online chatting isn't at ALL the same thing as someone asking me to make draperies for free.   lol

For me, e-mail vs. telephone is not an 'interest' - it's a form of communication, a channel - tools.  But if what I've said above is true, then I think I grasp what you mean.

 Grin






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« Reply #13 on: Feb 02, 2016 07:23 pm »

Hmmm.  Steve, I suspect this board is important to you and you'd like to see it grow.

Do you nterpret people posting here as being supportive of your interests, which equates to friendship?

Please know that I am not challenging what you've said or how you think -  not at all!

Am just trying to understand - because someone preferring the phone vs online chatting isn't at ALL the same thing as someone asking me to make draperies for free.   lol

For me, e-mail vs. telephone is not an 'interest' - it's a form of communication, a channel - tools.  But if what I've said above is true, then I think I grasp what you mean.

 Grin


i believe u also would like to see  yoganandaji.org grow. That is one of the important reasons i frequent it. What is important to you is important to me. This is the strength that makes people come together. People do  not just give of their material service but also of their mental service and talents. In this way it is very similar to asking for favors like sewing.
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« Reply #14 on: Feb 02, 2016 07:56 pm »

It's possible that some folks are only comfortable communicating in a few ways.
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