Very true! And sometimes, people are like children - give an inch, we are taken a mile. Children have no idea of reciprocity at first, and they constantly test the limits of what other people will do for them, or what they can 'get'. As the parents, we have to set the boundaries. The same is true with adults sometimes! When I was in my twenties, I was very much a 'yes' girl and spent a lot of time doing things for other people that I didn't really want to do. I mean, I WANTED to, but only to please them without considering the cost for me as far as time and energy, etc. I felt used a lot, and blamed the people I felt were using me for not respecting me very much. Then one weekend, while sitting at my sewing machine with a pile of VERY expensive fabric trying to sew curtains for a lady at work who asked me if I would, I thought, "What the heck am I doing? I don't feel comfortable cutting this material. I don't want to make these curtains. Why doesn't she hire a professional? She has plenty of money!" I started getting upset and feeling taken advantage of then thought, "Wait, why did I agree to this?" I took the material back to her the next Monday and said, "Sorry, but I don't feel comfortable doing this. You should find someone else." She was a little confused, but not really annoyed - took the material back and I was free of the burden. After that I learned to say 'no' a lot more often from the get-go. I realized people will not respect our space if we don't respect our space first by claiming it. They don't do it to be disrespectful; it is childlike. That was not the end of my people-pleasing personality by far. In business, I always gave way more service than people paid for for instance. That would sometimes end up badly because people didn't even realize I was working for 'free' and would get upset when I suddenly performed only what was reasonable instead of being superwoman. But gradually over time I realized more and more we do no one favors if in performing an act of service if we eventually resent the person we are servicing. Another realization was that sometimes we give 'gifts' to others through service, etc, but they have no clue we have done so. That's fine if it is truly a gift and we expect no gratitude or recipritory action, but if we DO, we probably won't get what we want back because the person isn't even aware. They didn't see it the same way. Ever read the Five Languages of Love? Fascinating stuff. If you want someone to know you've done something loving for them, sometimes you have to spell it out in a 'language' they recognize. We are all so different, and few can read minds.
Ayway, thank you for letting me ramble. I am trying to write three pages of whatever every day, for the practice. I like to do some of that here, but if I am too verbose or not contributing in a helpful way, just let me know.
