Hello I'm new, new at everything I think, just saying hi.

[DonnaYeats]

Hey guys,

My name is Donna, I am just looking around here and getting an idea about how things work here.  I've always been interested in the spiritual side of life.  Nothing really calls to me though.  I guess I'm really just searching for a way forward as I really feel stuck. I'm 27 and a barista for a local mom and pop coffeehouse.  I love the whole coffeehouse culture thing.  When I was a teenager my family owned a coffeehouse in Santa Cruz California.  That's where I grew up. I studied art in school, never graduated but I still dabble.  I guess someday I hope I could become the type of artist that gets paid for her work but whatever, someday right?  I'll probably always have paint splattered clothes and paintbrushes by my sink you know? 

I'm single now but just got out of a really rough relationship.  I feel like I gave so much but he didn't appreciate it and in the end I found out he had cheated on me. He was another artist type and had this whole free love thing going on.  When I found out he cheated he didn't consider what he had done was cheating.  Supposedly his heart was always mine but sexuality is supposed to be open as part of human experience?  WTF?  I mean come on.  I seem to be old fashioned in light of the company I keep but I really want to be with someone who really wants to be with only me?  In every way! Does that even exist anymore? Did it ever?!  It seems like everywhere you turn someone is cheating on someone else.  I don't want that stuff.  I want what I want I guess I just don't know if anyone else wants it you know? 

Anyway that's beside the point I guess except that this breakup really made me start yearning for something more in my life a spiritual connection I want to get closer to the Divine, not the whole white bearded god in the sky like was taught about in my grandmas churches but that divine that thing I feel when I am painting or when Im'm hiking?  That probably just sounds silly but its how I feel anyway. I just don't know where to start.  I'm really lost. 

Anyways, that's me for now. 

~Donna

[Jitendra Hy-do-u-no-us?]

Hello Donna i think relationships often have that effect on most of us. They are a catalyst for change. It seems like honesty is the best policy. Often if we do not lay things out until they happen we can get sudden unwanted surprises. But if someone explains what a relationship means to them and then the other person does not see the importance of your values or has completely different values then you realize it will be difficult to continue on or that it just will not work or at the very least you are forewarned.

Values are very different for different people. i am not here to say what is right and wrong. i do think that from a spiritual point of view it would be quite difficult to have sex with different people at different times and still have spiritual development....  not to speak of the possibility of sexual transmitted diseases. i mean it is difficult enough just transforming our own desires... let alone creating all kinds of new ones. i also have found people having much different views at different points in their lives.

i play music at many coffee houses and breweries (among other places) so we have a common interest! Being lost in this world is the problem with most people and the ones that 'think' they are found are even more disastrous. But those who are admittedly lost and looking to find some answers are my kind of people!

Welcome to this little off the road coffee house. 

[mccoy]

Hey guys,
... He was another artist type and had this whole free love thing going on.  When I found out he cheated he didn't consider what he had done was cheating.  Supposedly his heart was always mine but sexuality is supposed to be open as part of human experience?  WTF?  I mean come on.  I seem to be old fashioned in light of the company I keep but I really want to be with someone who really wants to be with only me?  In every way! Does that even exist anymore? Did it ever?!  It seems like everywhere you turn someone is cheating on someone else.  I don't want that stuff.  I want what I want I guess I just don't know if anyone else wants it you know? 

Hi Donna, I wonder how you came across this site, has it been suggested to you or just by an internet search?
I ensure you that there are many people around who practice loyalty in relationships. Many of'em would not dream of cheating their fiance or spouse. Some of'em have such fantasies but they remain in that realm. So your attitude does not seem old fashioned at all, just a legitimate demand. If you exhibit moral integrity you are bound to attract a man with integrity.

Anyway that's beside the point I guess except that this breakup really made me start yearning for something more in my life a spiritual connection I want to get closer to the Divine, not the whole white bearded god in the sky like was taught about in my grandmas churches but that divine that thing I feel when I am painting or when Im'm hiking?  That probably just sounds silly but its how I feel anyway. I just don't know where to start.  I'm really lost. 

It doesn't sound silly at all, many of us here felt the presence of God in such instances. The theistic God has a beard and sits on a throne, the impersonal God can have no personification or can have the personification you wish. But we may also say that the theistic God is but a standard personification (supported by some churches) of the deistic, impersonal God.

[Bonnie and Bobby Barnicle]

We haven't had trouble with infidelity but we are 'stuck' on one another. It does come with complications.

[Shannon]

Welcome Donna.  I am so sorry.  Don't lose hope.  There are lots of good hearted, monogamous fish in the sea.  Even artist-types!  If you are interested in a place to share your artwork and be around positive painters online, please try wetcanvas.com.  There you will find hobbyists like myself, but also professional artists willing to give feedback, lots of loving encouragement and even critique if you want some.  There is a section where spiritual paintings are shared.  Give it a try.  Who knows? You might find a new muse who gets your heartstrings fluttering.  Some of the artwork is stunning.  Like you, I recently experienced a separation - not through infidelity, but in some ways that would be easier - at least it's cut and dry.  But life goes on!  Right? Art and spirituality are constants - and a doorway to Divine love, or so it seems to me.  I hope you enjoy your time here. Would really love to see some of your paintings!  Bless you - s. <3

[b]

Welcome, Donna. Gosh, a broken heart is a spiritual path! 

I think your intuitions are correct. Here's some of my opinions...

The really great Gurus teach monogamy, not because they are prudes, but because this is the way to transcend the base aspects of sexuality. Sex between husband and wife is really a sacred act. Marriage is a spiritual vow. It should all be approached with the same respect as other types of sadhana.

With that said, it is clearly not possible to attain perfect happiness through perfected relationship alone. The spiritual purpose of marriage is to help people focus on their love of God and not spend their lives on a fruitless search for an elusive other that will fill the hole created by thinking we are individuals, separate from God and everything, and so on.

Peace 

[guest88]

Welcome Donna